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Thursday, March 18th, 2004
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Every night I open my window. No matter how cold it is I look out and the night air is always welcome to kiss me.
I can see buildings.. and yellow little windows. They are a little bit like stars.. they are a little bit like a huge ship sailing by.. they are a little bit like hope… a little bit like insomnia.. a little bit like a game of chess or tic-tac-toe.. a little bit like happiness…
I can also see cars waiting for their owners to drive them soon. And their alarm little lights are a little bit like smouldering live coals… a little bit like resurrected Terminator’s only eye winking at me..
The most important post of mine I placed in the skies.. far above the clouds that covered the big dark blue..
And I am grateful to the Christ.. he was a good guy and he survived on the cross I believe.. and I am grateful to Frodo who destroyed the ring for the sake of.. me as well, as a part of the world.
I feel like I want to live.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
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Those people who are very close to us seem to know less about us than those ones who have just appeared in our lives.
Our old friends don't seem to update the info about us... Our new ones though do update the info within ourselves..
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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- Get out of my room! And life… - she screamed and her face looked ugly and wet.
An incurable disease she suffered from didn’t suit her. And the fact that she gave up suited her even worse.
The door closed behind him.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
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Something is terribly wrong in the world...
I am starting to like chocolate ice-cream.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Any human beeing is always alone.
But not lonely.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, February 23rd, 2004
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My sweet little bear is waltzing around the room with me.
I hold him very close, letting my heart beat into his chest, covered with blue warm sweater I knitted for him years ago.
Years pass but still I can’t make him smile.
He might be even older than me. I found him in the streets one day. I read the memories about his pasts lives in his eyes.
I know it will take me years to love him back in time through his sadness.
I promised I would. And I will.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, February 19th, 2004
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This cigarette makes me feel sick as usual… and I can hardly type, cause I feel dizzy. This painful grey smoke is the best messenger I could find.
Cause I don’t trust my keyboard anymore, as its lying.
I don’t want to rely on e-mail servers.
Can’t squeeze myself into Latin little letters appearing on the screen obediently. Can’t do it any longer…
My fingers are frozen.
- Defrost it with your tears, my friend. No other choice is given.
I let some snow in… but it is no longer snow. Just a dirty water all over the place.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, February 16th, 2004
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The necklace cries with big blue drops upon my neck.
Feather earrings tickle my cheek-bones.
My Black Little Elephant tells me it wasn’t a dream.
You know… I love camels now… ;-)
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, February 14th, 2004
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Airport is one of the most incomprehensible places on earth you can find…
It is a strange world that belongs to no county, that wears no mask of any nation.
It’s like being in the middle of nowhere – not already HERE.. and yet not THERE…
You have no you at the airport.. and only your passport, opened by random people from time to time makes you think you have to do something with that mister or miss or whoever on that weird photo.. that is certainly not you. And at some point you have no luggage either – those random people just take it, basically down to nowhere…
And the ticket… that tiny peace of paper that you can buy for hundreds of pounds… Why so expensive, I wonder each time when those nice well trained ladies hand it in to me? I could draw a better one myself.. a bigger one… a smarter one..
And still there’s that one more bag that is still left with you. Perhaps, something precious in it, huh? A book to read as well maybe.. but reading is not possible.. Too many people to look at. “ That must be Polish.. yeah, for sure. And that.. hmm. German maybe?”
You’ve been here twice maybe and yet you know exactly where to go – the arrows will lead the way. Where else can you see people all stuffed together in one huge complicated building and most of them might be here for the first and the last time) and they all know exactly where to go?..
And I can’t speak for everyone, but I always feel trapped in the airports. I am washed out.. I am raped.. I am left with no choice. I’ve got to follow the motionless arrows that lead the right way.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, January 31st, 2004
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There’s a building across the street, and there’s a window in the building, and in the window there’s light. And there’s a girl in the light.
Hello girl!…
You’ve got long hair. Nice dark hair.
You’re typing something… your homework maybe… not that you really want to do that. Sometimes you lean back on your chair and touch your face – you’re thinking.
Did you know there’s a funny boy living just a thin wall away from you? he has a tiny piece of paper in his mouth and quite a concerned look – he is looking for something. He’s got something bloody hanging on his walls, which is fine, I mean, he is still a boy, nevertheless…
And you’ve got those innocent pencils and flowers on your window-sill.
The rain scribbled some wet oblique stripes on my window… and you are now in stripes now..
Oh well… you stood up and left and your shadow clumsily slid down to follow you. Clumsily but yet so light as if it weighs nothing.
I can smell the car outside. I’d better close the window.
You’ve left. Your computer is still there. And the screen…
And… here you go:
There’s a building across the street, and there’s a window in the building, and in the window there’s light.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, January 29th, 2004
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| Time: | 11:33 am. |
| Mood: | lost. |
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When I sit in my kitchen and the sun is shining, and I can see my mom walking out of her room, talking to the cats, smiling and still wearing those last signs of deep nice sleep... And when I know my dad is still sleeping in his bed with his books and glasses on a chair beside him... And I warm myself with a cup of coffee - I want to freeze this moment foever.. so that it never would change. So that no one would ever be gone. And as soon as these thoughts come to my mind a goodmorning turns into a long goodbye...
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
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Sometimes I think that all the movies I watch are about me.
Almost always I can find something that connects me with the heroes in a weird way. Does it mean I’ve got quite a big experience? At least big enough so that I can find things resounding with me in all sorts of movies.
Nah… don’t listen to me.. I am just boasting and raving..
What I do find weird is how a director can make you feel sympathetic to someone you have seen for about an hour?! How do they manage to squeeze so many details about characters into 100-200 minutes? What they do is they probably capture the most important things about their characters and show them all, which doesn’t take that much time. It looks like a caustic concentrate. It’s rich in colour and feelings. And immediately I want to change the concentration of my life, too!
And then I come to the question again… Do I want to have a short but adventurous life, but full of taste and colours… or just a quiet long one…?
What is your choice?
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, January 10th, 2004
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I was sitting at my desk and my cell rang. I knew who it was and I knew that this someone wanted to invite me to take a walk with them. I didn’t want to go, so I never answered. Which left me feeling guilty.
Somehow I think that when you buy a cell you... sell yourself. You buy it to be available all the time! So, would you be so kind! Pick up the phone! You fading, you…
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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I read a book the other day about a guy who perceived all the people around as a material for his future novels. He kept walking around, talking to people and making notes. And people trusted him. They knew he was a writer and they wanted to get into his books.
Did they think it would make them immortal?
I was thinking about it for a while… In a way the image, imprisoned in the book, makes the person more mortal. The image is stable.. It will never change. And I take death as an absence of development, the absence of change.
When I got my first LJ I was so excited about it! I was walking and thinking how later that I day I would finally get back home and through my day out into the web! Somehow, life turned into a material for my silly little journal. It didn’t last for along time, though. But.. for a while.. I did feel like dr. Faust who sold his soul… I did feel like someone who was not a proper me anymore, but also a hero of a strange novel that perhaps is not written.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, January 5th, 2004
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Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
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I have a couple of friends who are the same age with me. We are all young. J But when I look at some of my friends I can almost see them old already. There are no those sparks in their eyes anymore..
I look into their eyes and I can see that their bodies are influenced by their current emotional state. A few more years and they might get quite seriously sick.
I know I haven’t said anything new! All these facts are so well known.. But somehow what I saw today at my friend’s made me feel thee thoughts almost… I suddenly felt how can I influence myself! How can I actually struggle for healthy body! And win!
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
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I like it that noone reads my journal. :-)
Somehow it is the same as if it was read by the whole Universe. :-)
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, my dear Mother Earth and every alive creature living on it. :-)
I wish all of us to understand finally that we are happy. :-)
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, December 27th, 2003
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I want to stand on the edge of the skyscraper with my eyes closed, feeling the warm raindrops falling on my face, washing away the fear.
I want to hear no sound.
I want to discover the real colour of a mirror.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 26th, 2003
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I always feel sad at parties..
I just can't help it.
I get this indescribable feeling of sweet loneliness. I hear the music playing and people dancing and laughing. And i just want to cry..
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
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Sometimes, even though you are involved in a very good relationship, you fall in love. You fall in love - just with someone walking by you.. Someone's eyes smiling in the metro train..
And it feels like you can forgive to these eyes (that you have known for only 2 or 3 seconds) nearly everything! at least much more than to somebody you have known for many years, somebody who has been here for you to support you in every way..
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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fading_me's journal
confused.